Loyalty.

If you ask me that what is the one lesson I have learnt in my life till now, it would be that you can never control someone’s loyalty towards you. Whether it is a friendship or relationship, you can never have control over it. It doesn’t matter if you’re the prettiest or the kindest person out there, you cannot get loyalty out of someone who doesn’t want to give it in the first place.

Like everyone else, I have also had a relationship and a friendship where I gave everything I had within me to make the other person feel happy and loved, but all I got was betrayal in return. I cried myself to sleep for months, I tortured myself in all ways possible and I even cursed myself for the way I looked. But gradually, I realised that even with my pathetic looks, or my kind heart, there are people out there who still love me so much, who support me through everything and give their best to make me happy. So the question that came to my mind was “Is it really me? Am I really the problem?” That’s the question most of you ask yourself.

Well, the answer to that is NO. You are NOT the problem. It is not your fault that you saw potential in someone and decided to stay even after they did everything to prove otherwise. It is not your fault that you continuously gave chances to someone who never really wanted to stay in the first place. It is not your fault that they didn’t want to stay, and it is definitely not your fault that they failed to see your worth.

I understand that you loved them wholeheartedly, that they broke your heart like it was a toy they got bored of. I understand that even after everything they’ve done to you, you would happily forgive & go back to them in an instant. I understand that you would give up anything in this world just to have them by your side.

But don’t you think it’s been too much? Don’t you realise that it’s high time you stop doing what you want to do and start doing what you ought to do? Don’t you think that you should finally put your mental state over everything, and do right by yourself for once? I know you feel like you don’t have the courage to even think of being happy without them, but sometimes to save yourself, you have to begin by doing the things that scare you the most.

You need to realise that you are not committing any sin by putting yourself first. You are not giving up on them, you are giving in to yourself. You are giving yourself the chance to happiness which you’ve been giving them all this while, when all they’ve been doing is throwing it away. It is okay to care about yourself for a while.

You define your form of self-care. It does not always have to be drawing yourself a beautiful bath, or going on a road trip, or getting your nails done. Sometimes it can be as simple as getting out of your bed early, breathing deeply, eating your favourite ice-cream and not listening to sad songs.

As they say, “you are worth a million times more than a piece of shit excuse for a human who has never truly fought for or defended anything ever.”

Remember when you promised yourself at the beginning of this year that you are going to fill your heart up with brilliant thoughts about yourself and your future? I think it’s time to finally bring that into action. Don’t be sad about the fact that they left you even after you gave them everything you possibly could. Instead, be happy about the fact that they left you, because it taught you how to put your happiness first, how to be at peace with yourself, how to hold onto yourself, but most importantly – how to choose yourself over everything and everyone.